Perspective about stepping on toes

I appreciate the sincere comment made in a laidback manner from a friend at my open house a few days ago. Usually how I react towards an opinion is recourse to the way it was articulated and the tone that was used. For that, I appreciate this thoughtful, albeit problematic definition on what it means to step on toes.

I begin thus with a mini allegory for the topic at hand:

Give me one person who claim that I’ve stepped on their toes and I’ll give you one fantabalous reason on why I did so.

Alamak puan, saya cakap pun bukan tersalah cakap, memang sengaja. Ada tujuannya. Kalau tak boleh tahan panas, janganlah nak main dengan api. Awak ada pendapat, takkan lah saya tak boleh ada juga kan. Awak nak ugut, tak akan saya tunduk aje kan.

Give me one reasonable example that points to gross injustice on my part and I’ll show one instant from which I admitted my mistake and apologised accordingly.

Dia rasa dia betul, aku pun rasa aku betul, tetapi dah berapa banyak kali aku minta maaf  dahulu walaupun aku rasa dua dua sama salah.

Give me one instant of individuals getting unreasonably vocal because of the numbers they have, and I’ll give you a response that systematically destroys their argument.

Ada orang kita ini bersifat berpuak-puak, takde pendapat sendiri, nak membuntut aje. Alamak belajar tinggi tinggi pun tak tahu fikir sendiri ke?

Give me one individual who studies and scrutinises the source of a gossip and I’ll give the person the plaudits he/she deserves.

‘Alamak ko tau kan si budak tu, kawan aku cakap dia sombong, abis abrasif pula tu. Ko tengok ah.’  
Alamak tuan, tak tau kenal orang itu sendiri dulu ke. Kenapa belum kenal, tapi action macam da lama kenal? Da dewasa pun nak main permainan budak-budak?

As it is with life, I know full well the value that these limited individuals bring.
Absolutely nothing.
Kalau menilai sebelum berkenalan, apakah gunanya?
Kalau hendak mengugut untuk mempengaruhi yang lain, cubalah, kita lihat siapa yang lebih kuat pengaruhnya.
Saya pilih teman2 rapat dengan amat teliti sekali, bukan yang pak turut, bukan yang cetek pemikirannya.
Saya pijak kaki orang pun biasanya kerana memang patut pun.

We react accordingly to situations, blending the laissez faire approach, with a democratic one, and if needs be with a dictatorial style.

All my life, in events/scenario that I have had the honour of managing, I never had a problem garnering support or earning the trust of my friends or committee members. If I wantonly, stepped on toes, warts and all, then I would not have achieved what I did thus far.

So you see my friend, my ego is such that it does not impinge on my ability to admit mistakes or to apologise if I’m wrong; my ego is my prejudice against inefficiency, hypocrisy, limited clout in opinion and the absence of responsibility. And I make no qualms of giving these people a piece of my mind. So I apologise if such a stand is termed as stepping on people’s toes. I apologise too if I sound pompous, but this is my right of articulation.

I normally adopt a democratic and laid back approach in my professional and personal dealings, but if some wish to highlight the instant of aggression, then I encourage you to look at the situation as a whole, find out more about the accuracy of the perspective, and the trajectory and history of my actions.

Do I have time to be affected by childish games that some people play? No

The time to want to strive to be liked by all has long gone.
A close friend one said: for people of strong character, you either love them or hate them, and beyond that reasonable doubt you have much more going for you than against you.

Give me a cubicle of naysayers and I’ll show you a hall of rational thinkers. Give me a narrow viewpoint, I’ll give you a view from the skies.

Give me a learned and well thought out judgment and I’ll give you a response that befits your regality.

Give me the sincerest of efforts and I’ll give you my unwavering hand in friendship.

Please

This week I thought long and hard on the many deadlines on my mind.

Of the next set of contingencies that my GESL group Edsynergy has to implement to prop up our flailing efforts at marketing and on what we could do to still realise our goal of planning for that uber costly Night Cycling event.

Of the 3 presentations that I have a few days ago, on Wednesday, worrying as hell on how I might perform.

Leading to that day too, I had decided to help that nascent Malay NIE body after, as a representative for my cohort, I did not appear for the past 3 meetings. I thought long and hard about that decision, but I guess I feel that I still have that last spurt of drive left. The jadedness of 3 plus years of service in NUS wasnt as lasting as I thought.

Thus wednesday Hell grew heavier as I added the role of event manager to the 3 presentations. Once it ended, there was relief, joy and a bit of annoyance, but respite came only post Friday, for there was still the issue of the 2500 essay that needs to be churned out.

Circa, Friday, after a Thursday of research and content formulation, I end the exhausting week, looking forward to the long weekend ahead. BUT I can’t help but get annoyed at the chronic unreliability of some individuals.

I think when one does group work, one has to realise that the word group in the term implies the awareness of reliability and the acknowledgement of the presence of other individuals. In you giving work of primary school quality and creating deadlines that are hours, or even days after the agreed group deadline, YOU not only make the work of the group and its consolidator harder, but you impinge on their ability to work on their other assignments.

If it was up to me, I would have let you compile things, or give work equally instead of giving you less important parts because of the precariousness of your reliability. And when I heard that you were confronted with the individuals from another of your group, in my heart, I said ‘Hell Yeah, it has been sometime coming.’ That joy was fleeting and changed to sympathy as I felt that in your moment of sorrow, you might need someone to put things into perspective in a more civilised way, just in case you are still oblivious to the fact that many, and I mean many, are cringing with discomfort at the thought of you even if they have never worked with you before.

I guess my phases approach did not have to come to its code red. Those strong emails/smses did not have to lead to a verbal rendering of your incapacity for responsible behaviour. Funny how that even though Ive worked much more with you and also had to pick up more slack from you, the other group who was more fortunate in not having to see you as much was the first one to break.

I just hope you learn from this episode and step up your game, cos I am beginning be weary at the sight of you, a disgrace to our profession, and a good reference point for those who are prejudiced against the quality of Malay teachers. Please, I beg of you. It is not for our sake, but for yours.

Tis thankless endeavour

I flipped through the pages of that recently developed photo album, chronicling a minuscule of the life I led in the halcyon NUS years. And within the minuscule of photos, randomly and ‘judiciously’ selected among thousands of others, lay another microcosm depicting a group of friends that has, for a time stayed in contact even as our lives change, even as friends come and go.

Lest we forget, that this endeavour needs continuous effort, and at the very basic that modicum of cooperation from every entity within tha circle.

Lest we forget, that even though the friendship may span almost a decade, basic courtesy is still very much welcomed

Lest we forget, that if one contextualises a situation, any individual would appreciate that dash of responsibility and decency

Put yourself in the planner’s shoes, lest years of friendship lulls you into an amnesiac stupor from where the belief of the basic minimum would suffice

Lest we forget, we climb hills upon hills, we tighten knots that from time to time become loose through inaction

Lest we forget, we are critical not for criticality sake, but to problematise for a solution

If strong words do not make us understand, then perhaps this humble allegory would. And if this does not work, then I do not know what else could

Tis thankless endeavour…

Lest we forget…