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Came in to the War and Diplomacy in Modern Europe ten mins late, and for the following few minutes later, as I settled down, I was assuming that the lecturer was introducing the class to the content of the module.
Then he asked ‘So class, where shall we start and end the period for Early Modern Europe?’
Then it hit me, ’so this was the reason that his IVLE was not updated at all, cos nothing was done yet’.
HE WAS LEAVING THE DECISIONS to the class man.
So the consensus was from 1400 to 1763.
He asked, ‘Lets go chronologically, what topics are you all interested in for your presentations’
So he went about talking about the different incidents in Modern European HY and asked who wants to look at this angle, that vantage point and what nots.
Then it hit me, I raised my hand and asked, ‘Is it ok too talk about the Ottoman threat to Europe?’ He said, of course… Ottoman Europe. SO wats your name? I answered, and then Amos at the other end of e class volunteered to do the topic with me… hahaha…
Next he asked about exams format, what would we like? Short answers?? MCQ? Or the normalised essays? How many questions to answer? Open or close book?
Followed by the question on percentage of assessment and its breakdown? Do you want to have a mid term test or an essay?
End of the day. We moulded what we wanted to do and learn from the module, and ultimately I had the chance to do something which I really really loved reading about but is not offered in any of the modules in NUS, the Ottoman Empire… Alhamdullilah….
Democracy at its best?? Or perhaps the lecturer was just lazy?? hahaha… Id take the former anytime man… Anytime
It has been a frenzy of writing for me, fuelled by the raging questions in my mind… immense questions that needed to be discussed with close friends…
A friend mentioned about effort in one of her posts… a word perhaps taken for granted by some and magnified by others because of a seeming absence thereof…
What would you do if those who usually plan the outings, trying to find that middle ground from differing schedules, stop planning altogether, would you actually step up to try and plan for that weekly/monthly reunion that has now evaded you?
What would you do if those who usually consolidate the planning for birthdays stop doing so, because of the chronic disinterest if the idea is never bandied about in the first place?
What would you do when you realised that the so called good friends that you go out with for the past few years isnt the one you actually go to for advice on problems swirling in your life?
What would you do when frankness between friends isnt always there, when we hide behind the shadows drowning away in the darkness of anger? When you grow cynical about truths and friendships that was once hardily forged by all of us…
Sometimes in the fit of questioning, we magnify the wrongs in our friends and not remember that at times they have been uberly supportive of whatever efforts or direction you have been working towards. That the slight of a clash of beliefs is made a catalyst for a fiery entry?
What would you do when the close friends who share your anxiety, apprehension and even cynicism questions that very friendship too?
What would you do too when you realise that you do not really know about how your friend is, what are his anxieties, his worries, his problems, because you have not thought of asking in the first place? Realising that you too have not done enough on the simple things…(for this me, and idil agreed on, and are guilty of towards one of our friends, whom i will call one of these days also.. haha)
This is not just a heat of the moment moniker but one that has been affecting me for months and one that I finally articulated to close friends.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, strength to change the things I can, and the courage to know the difference…
And to lighten up with more laid back entries…
I clamoured a lot about aiding the community, for those who are in the position to do so that is. Then last week, a thought came to mind. Zat mentioned about us helping the community in the small ways that we can, small steps that would reach a crescendo as others do so too. I have been trying, where able to do what i can for the community, but I have not been aiding my cousins in their educational pursuits. I thought, I have this yearning to do something for the community, but yet I have not been attending to things in my own backyard, in helping my cousins. Ultimately, I offered my help FOC last week, with many motives in mind. I have not been visiting my West Coast residing grandma regularly for some time now, at least not as much when I was way way younger.
There was a penchant of nostalgia, to spend that time with grandma, whose residing with the aunt whose children I’m giving tuition too. Thursdays would be my overnight days, before going forward to the draining 13 hr Friday timetable. The memories were vivid.
I remembered that when I was younger, when my mum seemed to me like a fanatical sadist who magically brandished a cane whenever I did a semblance of wrong, I would run around the dining table, crying heavily while shouting ‘jangan ma, sakit, sakit’, when in truth the cane had not even touched my skin as my mum tried to chase after my past nimble self. Or when if its at my grandmas place, I would dash to my grandma and hide behind her while my mum was trying to cane me. I remembered her shielding me and and trying to ward of the blows from my mums bloodlust. Evrytime I look back at that vista of memory, I smiled. I realised now that perhaps, even as we get busier as life catches up wif us, we should make that effort to spend tt time with individuals who we seem to have lost that regularity with. That as they grow older, as ailments seems to increase by the day, you may never know when God will invite them to barzakh. Best if we are able to make time for them.
On a different note, I think every individual handles different people differently. For individuals who welcome discourse and admits to mistakes, dialogue is often welcome, for those who doesnt, then any discussion would be futile, and ultimately worthless. There is no one recourse to everything, and in generalising how one handles problems through a mere example, then it inevitably shows the limitations to the cult of analysis of that individual, especially so if one does not the history of why a situation is handled as such.
At times to, we come to a reanalysis of friendships, on whose worth keeping, or whose not, of who youve been going through the motions with or of who is really quality personified. I had this discussion with 2 close friends, and the opinions are the same. At different periods in our life we re-evaluate the quality of the friendships we have. Some may turn out to be dead weight, antithetical to the betterment of your worldview, life and principles, while some will give you that added colour and vibrancy to life. As we re-evaluate what we want out of life, we re-evaluate on who we choose to live life by. Its a mixture of principles and life aims. It is as simple as that. Really.
“Behold me, behold me, charged with the care of government. I am not the best among you; I need all your advice and all your help. If I do well support me; if I make mistakes counsel me. To tell that to a person commisioned to rule is faithful allegiance; to conceal it is treason”.
- Abu Bakar, the first of the 4 righteous caliphs in Islam
Dimanakah panji yang pada suatu ketika dahulu kita kibar bangga?
Dimanakah janji yang pada suatu ketika dahulu kamu angkuh menyuara?
Dimanakah si pembela yang pada suatu ketika dahulu berkata keikhlasan di hati membara?
Dimanakah Sang srikandi dan si pendekar yang membaca ikrar bersama-sama?
Hilai ketawa, sorak gembira, bahawa dirinya gagah perkasa,
Di pertengahan jalan terhilang arah,
belum memulakan apa-apa sudah ada yang berkata nista,
sudah ada episod yang mungkin tergendala,
Sedarilah bahawa keikhlasan penemu segala,
Ikhlas itu akan mendorongmu untuk lari seribu batu lagi,
Walau badan mu lemah longlai, walau ototmu kejung melulu
Demi bangsa dan bahasa? Demi masyarakat kamu usaha?
Atau untuk kepentingan peribadi sahaja?
Persoalkanlah…..
The couple of weeks leading to the reopening of my final semester in NUS, apart from the normal meet-ups with frens, badminton sessions and PS3 Gaming, has been spent researching and formalising a proper proposal for an Independent Study Module topic. The initial idea, after firstly asking Doctor Suriani for her opinions was on a study of Singapore’s educational curricula that has perhaps perpetuated an image of the perennially lagging Malay. It was to use history to charter the development of education for the Malays, that a and the efforts made by a group of reformers (albeit unsuccessfully) to foster a spirit of perjuangan. (can be found in Khoo Khay Kim’s Democratisation and Social Change) It is indeed an interesting topic to work on, but truth be told, and this I didnt discern to Doctor Suriani, was that I have done about 3 essays on education for various modules and I felt I needed a break and do something that I have not done before for this ISM. The option that came to mind was Portrayals of the Persona of Hang Tuah in popular culture (with a focus on films). It was something interesting to me, and I’ve always loved analysing films, added to that, it is about the perceived archetypal Malay Hero, Hang Tuah. There was something missing however. I believe that whatever you write or research upon should be beneficial for society at large, to battle or counter injustices, or at least provide a constructive and relevant alternative. The way I see my ISM now, I think that societal slant isnt really there, and here now, for the past few days, I’ve been trying to find avenues to which this research and analysis could parallel a certain societal context, perhaps as an example, problematise the choice of role models or ’success stories’ as ascertained by entities such as Berita Harian or Suria. However, whatever I have now, is still vague and sketchy at best. Perhaps in due time, an ilham may come, comments and ideas from readers of this blog would also be very much welcomed.
That said, I think that doing an ISM or an Honours Thesis for that matter, should be an opportunity not to be missed. It is a chance for you to write something that you feel for or am interested in. A labour of love perhaps. Something that you could take out of NUS and from time to time, read and re-read again, just to find out whether your perspective has changed.
On a different note, tomorrow is the guys night out at the deluxe room of Ritz Carlton, 9 of us bunking in at the only 6 star hotel in Singapore. Wonder how it would be like man!!! Hope we wont be kicked out by security if we do make too much noise.
