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I kid you not. This entry would not be short nor would it be devoid of allegories. Instead, it would be a true indication of how I felt, the journey from the beginning to the end of a thoroughly fruitful tenure, warts and all.
The first Jawatankuasa I was in, I didnt ask for much, I put Persuratan Vice and Seni Vice as my choice. The reasoning was that I wanted to join Silat, to get the NUS Jacket and too also get a gold medal for IVP, apart from that my interest was to head the newly formed Dikir subgroup under seni. A vice position would thus suffice and be the most apt. Furthermore, we had on paper, something which I still feel the same even until now, a group of individuals who were highly talented and arguably the most capable of all the batches that I’ve been in. Imagine this, Seni was created because of that batch, Theatre and Dikir Barat too. It was a Jawatankuasa that promised much, but in the end I felt it failed too achieve what was expected of it. In the dying months of that tenure, a few of us gathered and had a meeting on how to salvage the sinking ship. A handful few, less than half the 25 that started the year. We made a plan to plant as many PBM people on the ground for FOC as possible. This was where those who truly felt for PBM stood. If the present didnt reach the dizzying heights expected of it, perhaps the future could be salvaged. Perhaps that was my final effort for PBMUKS, running again in a new JK never crossed my mind. Then came the interview sessions. I had rejected the nominations of some peers for me to run again, I was even in the interview panel interviewing Hafie for her Seni post. Then, I heard that Faizal was running again. Faizal Rawi, one of the leading lights of PBMUKS JK 05/06. So I called him, with 2 days of interviews still left to go and I asked:
Kamal: Rawi, why made you run again?
Faizal: Well, I think I still have a lot to offer and I still have the drive.
Then it hit me. There was no better answer than that, perhaps I too have a lot still to offer to PBMUKS. I have achieved that Gold Medal for IVP, I have gotten that NUS Jacket, perhaps now is the time to truly focus on PBM and fill the emptiness and the promise that the past JK have flattered to achieve. It was another go, a personal vendetta, a lasting legacy. It was a tenure as the Vice-President of PBMUKS 06/07.
We had to have a strong centre, from which its strengths will transcend downwards and complement the strengths of our heads. We needed to be firm and be united, no Politicking, no backstabbing. I personally do not accept such behaviour. So for some of you narrow minded and misinformed individuals, politics in the PBMUKS JK 06/07 was never really present. If we were political we wouldnt have been united, we wouldnt have enjoyed the tenure, we wouldnt have left a potentially strong set of leaders to succeed us. We needed also to plan well, to strategise and to have that bit of professionalism and personal touch that could give us that extra edge. All of this wants and personal objectives I think this JK has achieved and more.
It was a far cry from the previous JK that I was in. It was cohesive and united. And in the end when some of them cried, it was not because we were relieved, it was because we had so much fun as a JK, and that it was not only a set of working Exco, but a set of friends, a group of brothers and sisters. That should be the aim, of like minded individuals working towards set objectives. In the end, I never regretted one bit that fateful decision of running for PBMUKS as a Vice-President. I have achieved my personal goal, I’ve learned a lot, I added a few more capable and quality individuals to my list of friends and finally, I think we have left behind a good coterie of leaders to continue the PBM flag.
There was no need for any of us to run again, there’s no need to throw more year ones into the baptism of fire, cos in the end the objective must be to have a strong ship with a good foundation. A 1 senior to 1 freshie ratio is risky, because you need not only chase the aspirations of the your society along with fulfilling the jobscope of your position, but you have to continually induct the freshie along the way. It is not a must to fill up all 20 positions just for the sake of face value. For PBMUKS the minimum needed is 12 and the maximum is 21, that gives us a window to work with. It will be more of a value add if theres 5 freshies at most, as such it would be a richer learning process, a good ratio of 3 seniors to 1 freshie. I believe in injecting new blood, but priority should be given to those who have made that effort for the previous events, and for that we have an ample number to continue that journey. That I think is a measure of our success, of having a good number of our Year 2s continuing that battle, added to that with the raw and vibrant impetus of several freshies to give that little bit of freshness and enticing ideas.
Finally, I thank you PBMUKS JK 06/07 for realising not only the personal goals that I had, but for most of all realising the goals that we had set as a committee. I am honestly proud of what we had achieved and from the legacy we have left behind. It was a wonderful journey. There was no need to cry, because everyone knows that the friendship will stay, that what was done was a mighty achievement, that we have left PBMUKS in good hands. When the tears did come, it was because it was the last time we came together officially as a JK, it was when individuals talked of how the JK was there for one another when tragedy happened, it was simply because we cared. So here is to JK 06/07, it was my pleasure having each of you by my side. Words may not suffice in the end however, cos it is much much more…Syukran
It was Intro to Cybercrime day today, the 3rd day of the 1st week of school. A lecture at the unearthly time of 1800 hrs to 2100 hrs.
So for the first 3 lectures, we would be taken by this guy who was described by the University Professor as the Top Dog in the IT security department of the Ministry of Home Affairs. The assumption was that he would be this immensely serious, confident and articulate guy who would have a no nonsense demeanour. Up stepped a half balding guy to the Lecturing Podium. He said he’d make the lecture interesting and funny and provide snippets of real examples and videos to keep us interested and laughing.
Ok I thought. Fair enough.
Then came the first long and hard guffaw from him as he described animatedly an example of an IT crime. Soon it became an almost systemic occurence of this IT Top Dog breaking into gregarious laughter as he tried to articulate his ‘funny’ stories, laughing loudly to himself and not realising that most of the audience would laugh a few seconds after he broke out in his own laughter. At times, when we did laugh sincerely at the rare times that it was genuinely funny, the guest speaker would laugh out louder, assuming that we are somehow laughing with him and not LAUGHING at him, of which the latter is more closer to the truth.
2 hours on, I was thoroughly bemused, I do not know how many times I had shaken my head, many others did also, even the professors seated at the first 2 rows were seen shaking their head at times. It was amusing. Perhaps I was comparing the demeanour of the lecturer to that of that suave and cool IT genius and baddie in Die Hard 4.0. The guy who was lecturing in front was totally anti-thetical to it, and as a friend beside me rightly commented, ‘He was trying too hard’.
Long story short, it was 3 hours of being amused, of laughing at his antics. And at the end of the day, feeling relieved that it was only 3 to 4 weeks of him, but that said, it could be worse, the other 3 lecturers may not be as animated or as loud. When the fatigue and workload sets in, such a situation would just be the last thing anyone wants.
And Honours Year is No JOKE man. The 3 hour classes are mentally draining and its only the first week. 4 honours modules and 1 breadth, all similar in duration. This is gonna be a long sem ahead, but then again I’m relieved somewhat that I do not have to do 6 modules, something which I have done for the last 2 sems. Well, lets hope that this sem will be good for everyone yah. All the best to US. Insya allah…
It was the morning after Pentas Budaya. I was at the front passenger seat beside my father who was driving. My mum, grandma and aunt was at the back, talking blissfully away. The sun had not yet emanated its welcoming rays and neither had we reached the immigration checkpoint for that brief respite to Malaysia before school resumes. I needed that break.
Then my mind suddenly veered to thinking about dikir, about the performance the night before, about all the years that dikir had soldiered on. The colourful characters that adorned the many performances that we had. I didnt know why, but I began to tear, not one or two drops, but halfway to a deluge. I grabbed some tissue, then looked away to the side. I really could not explain why, but the tears just came hard and fast, without any rhyme or reason. Such simple thoughts could not elicit such a reaction I thought. It was absurd.
Then it hit me, as the tears gradually stopped, a good 20 seconds later. I remembered that Dikir was trudgingly set up by a few, reached the dizzying heights of Perkampungan Bahasa 06, which I thought was by far the performance with the best concept and entertainment value. Perhaps that should be that elusive great final performance, that lasting legacy. Even so, that event was not devoid of heartache, the video footage that has been tasked to some individuals was not executed when crunch time came, of course to my lasting regret and disappointment. Pentas Budaya on the other hand was never the grand stage for dikir, perhaps it was thought as such at first, alas it was just a sideshow that the event could have done without.
Perhaps what triggered the whole surge of emotions was that this is it. This was really the end. The end of Dikir NUS, the end of that simmering honeymoon with the many actors in tow. I sound pessimistic because, I honestly do not see anyone who has both the expertise and the determination. We may have expertise, but about dedication and true passion I guess not, I dont think they are leaders. Determination? Well, recently, some of the new blood did speak words of continuing dikir and with those words, I felt hope and I did tell some of them to continue it if its possible. They just need strong planning and administration. If you are able to entice people then half the battle is already won, only that now they should depend on at least 3 to 4 people who can meaningfully draw people in and not just leave that job to that one single person. I do hope it continues, if it does, I’ll be around to help here and there, but never at the level that I have done for the past 3 years. So for hope beyond hope, please do…. IF you are able…
For passion, for memories, for friends… insya allah
I write this entry with a dash of emptiness and regret… it makes me sad, it makes me angry…. for all the years I’ve laboured to keep dikir up, when it started from scratch, religiously getting people down and enticing them to join, year in year out for a good 3 years.
Then comes this last performance, an end to all that has been done by both the female and the male dikir team of NUS. A signing off to the sweat and efforts of 3 different batches of undergraduates. I envisioned a fitting signing off to all that Dikir has achieved, a grand finale that is worthy of rememberance. I trusted him in making that decisions for DK and didnt want to impose my ideas on him, believing that whatever songs he chooses for DK NUS, it will reflect well on what DK NUS is all about. About entertainment value, about having fun, about forging friendships and creating a positive influence.
I didnt want to step on your toes, you are the PD and I trust you to come up with something that is beneficial to both the event and also serves the interests of dikir. This is no normal performance, it is our final performance, I thought you knew that. You are the Dikir Head after all.
Alas, I think i am thoroughly regretting that decision I made. I could have imposed and fought more for the interest of dikir as it is again I reiterate, our last performance. Our last hurrah, but I think I’m left disappointed again. This time the impact is much much more, and honestly I was almost on verge of tears as I thought about it a few days back.
It saddens me that I had to fight for an opening, a Tepuk Sepuluh for our performance. It should not have been that way. Dikir’s last performance will be something entirely alien to wat it has done thus far, a Kelantanese-like song that I and a lot of others feel would be hard to decipher, which is fundamentally against an objective that I believe in: that is if you want to entertain and educate your audience they must first understand what you want to say and convey. Simple logic aint it.
Now, we are restricted by rigidity, by utter old-fashionistic utopia. I feel sad that it has to end in such a way. A mere 4 minutes of doing DK that does not truly reflect what DK NUS is all about. All the history of DK NUS being judged by us doing 4 minutes of performance alien to us, a third of the time we usually spend for performances.
I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel empty. I am sorry guys that I did not do more for DK for this last performance. That I did not fight hard enough. I may scrape the opening altogether, seeing the bigger picture in mind, to the walls that closes in on us, I shant impose, I shant push stoically for it, I think its time to let go, regardless on whether this is what we envision it… or not. Perhaps I did not do enough to make him understand, perhaps Ive grown tired of holding NUS DK together, perhaps I gave him to much say but perhaps I’ve been around for too long. I just pray to God that the audience will accept the performance. A number of you came to support dikir, I hope we do not disappoint you too much. I’m sad that I couldnt and didnt do more. I am sorry.
But perhaps also, its not always about the end, it’s about the journey, the memories and the experiences throughout. There’s dikir veterans or so called experts who do not really show that they love dikir, and then theres newbies who know nothing about it, but is willing to experience dikir and then grow to love it. Perhaps it is about the journey….. but
I just hope that our last hurrah would not be a whimper.
The PBM interview comm had to cater to some last minute change of heart from some of our nominees and hence had to set aside an extra day for our round of interviews.
As me, Maly, Faizal and Nurul were interviewing one of the nominees, a substantially funny incident happened that made everyone in the room laugh out loud for a good half a minute. This is the excerpt of the conversation (more or less) :
Me: To be a head you have to steer the ship and not get bogged down by the nitty gritties, for if you do, you may miss out on the macro view.
Our President: Yes, if you are on a ship and if you see a shark, you would tell the people on the ship that there is a shark and you would steer away.
Me: (thinking for a while, and then looking at the candidate) But actually….. IF you are in a ship you don’t have to worry about the sharks below, because you won’t be affected. So there’s no need to steer the ship away, unless if its an iceberg.
By this time, the candidate, Nurul and our President were already laughing, and then Faizal added another one liner, indirectly teasing Maly and her NEW analogy, which just enhanced the laughter in the room.
Faizal: (to the nominee) In other words, you are just like a drop of water in the sea… (smiling and shaking his head at the same time)
Therein lies the story of our term. The President being accompanied by 2 vice-presidents who keeps teasing her and creating light hearted moments whenever the opportunity arises.
Dear President, a shark may affect you if you are in a sampan, a ship may be affected if it is running straight to an iceberg, BUT it would not be affected whatsoever if there are sharks in the sea, UNLESS someone jumps ship. Agreed dear president??? hehehe
